I was disgusted, just keeping my hands to myself and sanitizing myself every time I left a store. Feeling my brain get tased at the thought of how I would have to wash everything again even after I just did before I went out. I was looking in a store, seeing as kids drew their eyes to many colorful items, as adults let their children run around the shops unsupervised, putting their hands everywhere while touching their faces and touching things again.
The anxiety was building up inside of me just thinking what would happen if I didn’t because I was unaware of how everything worked. Like calculus or being trapped at an art museum, trying to comprehend what the artist was trying to convey.
My hearing wasn’t focused on my surroundings, but my sight fell upon everything just perfectly. It felt like Halloween was just around the corner, and so many happy faces were searching the warehouse of Halloween decor. What looked like the only thing really putting on happy faces, even if it was through the thick fabric of the masks. The sound of mixed music filled the room as everyone walked around, picking out costumes and accessories.
“I don’t know.” I tell my mother after she asks who I want to dress up as this year in very echoey voice. Much like she was talking straight into an active fan. Everything I was seeing, I wanted to be home more than touching anything. Knowing how much of a germaphobe I was, I had mixed feelings. I felt the world was never going to be the same because of how I couldn’t see how things really worked. How germs spread, where they were, and how often I need to defend myself.
Having the thought stain my brain at the fact no one was listening, and everyone was trying to end my life. But things perked up once I got into the spirit, ditching the many negative thoughts, placing them aside as I laid my eyes on what could be the new me. “I was trying to be Doctor Faciliar.” I tell my mom as we wonder the many selections of wigs, picking one up and observing how the whole costume would work and how I could really pull this off. The more we talked about it somewhat whipped my mind off the cons, bringing in the positives and smiles to my face. Reminding me I was just over thinking things the whole time, seeing the world worse than what it really has come to be.
I tend to exaggerate almost everything. Whether it’s a good or bad thing. What the situation might be, but I won’t know unless I see it for myself. Then the bright side starts to shimmer. Especially with Covid taking over my brain almost every second, it's hard to just brush everything off. What is happening around me, how much things are changing, and what must be done in order to prevent it before bigger events save the day, curing everything so things can be like normal. But who knows when that will be. For now, all anyone can do is wait.